Why being the nice guy isn’t worth it
For all the male viewers Most guys can’t figure out why women aren’t attracted to nice guys. In fact, most men have, at one point or another, uttered the phrase, “Nice guys finish last” as a way to explain their dating problems, single statuses, and more.
The concept of women not finding nice guys attractive is insanely common as a belief. In fact, it’s become enmeshed in our culture. It’s a movie trope, a rom-com classic, and some guys actually will go out of their way to say they are nice guys because of it.
What most men don’t understand is that women do find nice guys attractive, but they don’t find Nice Guys attractive in the least bit. Though they may think they see the difference, the truth is that the vast majority of single guys I’ve met don’t.
Or rather, they can’t. Here’s why women aren’t attracted to Nice Guys, but why they do tend to fawn over guys who are nice.
What is a Nice Guy?
In order to understand why women aren’t attracted to Nice Guys, you need to know what a Nice Guy is.
A Nice Guy is a man who is nice for the sake of getting a girl’s number. He prides himself on being a gentleman—sort of. Rather, he’s not really a gentleman. He believes that being polite or going out of his way means that he will get a girlfriend or sex.
He’s a doormat of sorts, primarily because he’s worried that anything he says even remotely sideways could upset girls and make them walk away. He doesn’t really show his real personality. He is often insecure and has very unrealistic ideas about how courtship really works.
In other words, a Nice Guy is a person who tends to view women as dating sims. To a Nice Guy, a woman’s interest or attraction to him doesn’t really factor into the equation. Moreover, they tend to believe that love should involve a “fair chance,” even though they themselves wouldn’t give an unattractive girl a chance.
Nice Guys often believe that manners or employment alone entitles them to a date. They often lack social skills. Simply put, they are guys who were raised on badly written, cliche rom-coms and believe that they are how dating should work.
Now, you might already notice a lot of reasons why women wouldn’t want to date a Nice Guy. However, it’s really important to dish out every aspect of it in detail so that you get a full understanding about why Nice Guys aren’t dateable in most women’s eyes.
Nice guys either got: a) scooped up by a nice girl, b) gave up, c) stopped being nice, or d) are still trying.
I’ve been told I’m a nice guy that won’t put up with women’s bullshit (caring and confident). Here’s my experience for what it’s worth. After dating many women, gone through divorce and dating lots of women again, I see the same trend over and over again….I meet and hook-up with a beautiful woman. She’s into me because I don’t look like a nice guy. I don’t dress up for her, I take her to a dive bar, I give her the right amount of attention (but not too much) and let her chase me a bit. Over the next week or so, she realizes that I’m not going to use her, will cut ties with any other women I am dating, will listen to her and am genuinely into her. I’ll go shopping with her and give her the attention she deserves. But….She’s beautiful and used to guys being nice to her, so doesn’t want a relationship with me, but does with the d-bag guys that are hard to tame. She wants the challenge that a nice guy does not provide, even if he is good looking and confidant. So, the confident nice guy may be getting laid without the option of a relationship (that he wants).
People used to think I was a player, until they realized I was just playing the game that women provided. I asked the beautiful woman I was sleeping with a couple weeks ago why I wasn’t relationship material (I would have loved to have a relationship with her). Her response was the same one I’ve heard before. I’m handsome and everything she’s looking for, but I’m too nice. Her advice was to stop being so nice and play more head games! What did this nice guy do in this situation? Kept using her for crazy sex, the same as she was using me. Confident nice guys are being advised by beautiful women to stop being nice! I heard it 15 years ago from women in their early 20’s and I’m hearing it again from women in their late 30’s.
What happens to the confidant nice guy in this dating world? He isn’t friend-zoned, but is stuck in the friend-with-benefits zone. Not a-hole enough to pursue, but attractive enough to keep around for sexual favors. So what happens to the nice guys you want? We have friends with benefits, so may not care to look for a relationship with a woman that may just use us for emotional or physical needs (we already have that). Or, we happen upon the rare, nice, attractive girl that is smart enough to lock us down. That’s the rub…..confidant nice guys go with the flow. If you find one, you have to lock them down and convince them you are better than the hot friend with benefits.
Don’t overlook the guy you think is a player. He may be a nice guy that is just playing by the rules that women set for him. Change the rules to satisfy the nice guy and you may have the keeper you are looking for. My current girlfriend did just that. Confidant nice guys want nice girls, but will gladly use a not-nice girl as she thinks she is using us. The real question is: Are you a confidant nice girl? You won’t attract the type of nice guy you are looking for without a healthy self-image and confidence.
Create Boundaries
If you haven’t been able to notice by now, women created the narrative that makes men think being a decent human being is bad. They call things “asshole behavior” that are really just a man living his life. Any time a man does his own thing he’s automatically a bad guy. Being a nice guy means actually a guy who kisses women’s asses and does not draw boundaries. Drawing boundaries is the key to no longer being considered a nice guy. As I mentioned earlier looking the way you want can be one of those boundaries, you cannot let a woman determine how you feel about yourself or your look.
Never tolerate a woman crossing one of your boundaries and never threaten either. Make it clear if you do not approve of something. If it is a minor thing retracting your attention or being displeased should be enough, if it’s something like vomiting drunk every weekend then reconsider your relationship. BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY. A staple of nice guys is that they will tolerate anything. Do not do this, allowing women (or anyone) to walk on you does not garner respect.
Teasing
Busting balls is crucial to manhood and is an alpha male trait. Men do it to other men and they’re supposed to do it to women too. Humor, joking around, and teasing is a powerful aphrodisiac for women. Now how far or how much you want to tease, depends on who you are. I will be honest here, I tease way too much, but it has also led to me being with extremely good looking women.
I relentlessly bust balls of everyone I meet and I’m in the position that I’m known for it. For some guys that’s not going to work. I have a background in martial arts so if one of my jokes happens to offend I’ll be alright. That is why women are attracted to men that tease. They know that they have a high status in that they have some form of protection, whether it be personal ability or the ability of a group.
If I’m out I have a big group with me and can also protect myself. When you walk in with 10 other guys and carry yourself well, you can obviously get away with much more joking around. Joke around in a way that you feel comfortable. I am not advocating for anyone to be punched in the face. This isn’t just about guys either, girls will playfully start smacking you when you roast them. I’m here to explain the traits of the “bad boys” and it’s up to you to decide how to use it. Being fully honest, teasing needs to fit with a guys persona. It’s something I have learned to utilize and works for me.
Teasing seems to be an art rapidly losing steam. It’s not something that I can teach. I’ve experienced it my whole life at home and my social circle is pretty brutal with never ending jokes. It’s a naturally acquired talent but it can be boiled down to at least be funny with women. If you’re on a date bust the balls of those around you. Read the room and notice funny things. Roast the guy feeding his girlfriend or fumbling all over the place. Make a joke about one of the waitresses “totally flirting” with one of the dinner guests. Being able to read a room and joking about the surroundings can be a viable replacement for direct teasing.
When Mystery re-established the pick-up arts in the early 2000’s he nicknamed teasing “negs” that involved minor insults of sorts to women. Doing research on those things may be beneficial if you want to start using the art of teasing more in your game. Again, it’s not for everybody and I respect that.
“Nice Guys” are Manipulative
I want to touch on this again in it’s own section because it should be repeated and understood. Many times a guy is just being nice to get into a woman’s pants. That is not nice at all, it’s disingenuous and women can smell that from a mile away. Buying a woman’s affection is a top priority for the manipulative nice guy. Men who do this are making feelings a transaction instead of a natural process and it’s rarely going to work. Maybe after 10 years it’ll yield some success, but this isn’t how you want to go about dating.
A woman should like you anyway, right? Not the objects your buying her. While being wealthy is an asset to attracting women, gift giving should be a reward not a requirement. Sometimes guys also think acting a certain way is going to get in a woman’s pants too. “Well if I call her and text her 24/7 she’ll love me” but acting in a particular way to get a woman is only a detriment to your game. Be real, be genuine, and don’t act in a certain way like a movie gentleman. Especially if your only intention is hoping it works to have sex with a woman.
Smile/Maintain Eye Contact
Unfortunately many guys who have the “nice guy” problem do not know when to smile or maintain eye contact in a situation. This mainly involves insecurity when it comes to the eye contact. I also want to note with smiling that it’s supposed to be an appropriate smile. I often laugh or smirk, but refrain (personally) from doing mega corny smiles in pictures, that’s just my thing. If you’re going to smile make it genuine, you can tell when someone is posing or legitimately enjoying themselves. Get to the point you’re enjoying your interactions, a nervous (or forced) smile is different from a genuine one. Life is meant to be enjoyed, everything is done in good fun. That mindset will help your eyes become more involved and a full smile to surface as you genuinely emote.
Yes: Abusers, Cheaters, and Genuine Bad Guys get Women
At no point do I want to confuse my readers here that being a genuinely nice guy is the only way. That will never be the ultimate form of dropping a girls panties. A womanizing drug dealing underground cage fighter is often going to have sex with any woman he wants. That is reality. I wrote this piece because many guys looking for articles like this are not those kinds of men and simply no longer being a pushover will elevate their game to a level they have never experienced before. On principle though I will not delude anyone into believing these “bad” types of guys aren’t scoring 24/7.
The interesting thing about guys like that is that they can very often go to jail. It will not be a steady relationship most of the time. Similar to decent guys looking for content like this, it will often be guys looking for a relationship as well. We are all biological beings as humans, women want to be with a man who can handle them in the bedroom. Dominance is attractive to women and the entire foundation of what’s wrong with nice guys is that women cannot picture sleeping with them because they are viewed as weak. If you want the ultimate take away from this article it’s that. Women want a man, not a girlfriend. They want a man who is unshaken in every way, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Remember: Have confidence, don’t be a pushover, and focus on your success.